margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
