Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
