why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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