i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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