The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
