she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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