Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
