I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
