my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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