I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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