1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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