I accidentally burped into my bong.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
