oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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