Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
