just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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