fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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