I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
