I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
