member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
