I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
