I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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