Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
