I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
