it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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