great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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