I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
