no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
