she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
