i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
