thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
