Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
