When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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