I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
