He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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