We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
