If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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