She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
