Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
