so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
