I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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