We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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