did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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