Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
