You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
