Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
