I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
