Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
