its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
