There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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