I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
