I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sarcasm needs its own font
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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