I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
