I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
