is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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