If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
