I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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