Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
