Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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