You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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