i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He shit in the fireplace
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
