the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
