I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
