why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
