Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
