She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
