So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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