Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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