Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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