Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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