The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
