i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
