I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Still dying that you shit outside
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
