just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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