i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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