I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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