you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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