why didn't you poke me back
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
