Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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