so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
